May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
