Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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