Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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