I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
