Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
