I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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