I just made out with a guy for $7.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
