hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have post one night stand depression
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
