Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
