apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
