I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
