Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize