even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
