just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
