shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
