she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
id be glad to
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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