I'd wear matching sweaters with you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
