never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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