u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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