Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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