Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
