And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
