Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize