What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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