I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
