yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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