Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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