I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
