plz talk dirty to me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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