i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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