reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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