sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to calm my uterus...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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