either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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