well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
