In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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