i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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