Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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