1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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