I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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