i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
