are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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