hotel room ftw
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
