We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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