i think my tv is drunk
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
