She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
