hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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