Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
