he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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