Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize