Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
