you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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