Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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