You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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