I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
