u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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