yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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