Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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