OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
