does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
