i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
