non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
bring money and cleavage
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
