last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
