It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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