; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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