Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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