You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
