how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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