some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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