That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize