You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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